According to a 2017 research from YouGov, three out of ten Malaysians have used the Internet to kick-start their dating life. In fact, a 2019 report from The Nikkei Asian Review shared that Malaysians spent (or should we say, invested?) $5.8 million on dating apps. As the digital scene becomes part of our work and personal lives, the MWAW team carried out an investigation to know the ropes for the online dating scene. Here are some "rules" to make your own Tinderella story and let's not forget the IMPORTANT tips to keep yourself safe should such situations arise.
The Devil’s Hour
The timing falls from after midnight to around three in the morning. Why is it the devil’s hour? No, it’s not because that’s the time when supernatural forces are the most powerful; being active on the dating app past midnight is no longer PG13. If your matches appeared to be gentlemen during the day, they may (or may not) turn into Lucifer during the night. From the investigation carried out, four out of five matches that conversed past midnight 'requested to satisfy their sexual urges'.
Tip: Stay away from the devil's hour Tinderella and be wary for "hungry wolves". If late night thirst messages arouse discomfort and isn't what you're up for, then best stay away from the devil's hour. In fact, it is best for women to use the dating app any time in the evening before the clock strikes 12.
Married men? Thank you, next.
Some of the accounts on dating apps had men who explicitly stated in their bio that they’re married. In other cases, Tinderellas' may find out that they are married after a few conversations with them through the app. While their motives for being on the dating app may be unclear, it is best to steer away from any men who are married, engaged or in a relationship in general.
Tip: You could clearly state in your description segment that you’re not looking for anyone married, engaged or in a relationship. If you find out later on that your match does not happen to be single and yet still persists to keep contact with you, worry not for the unmatch button has now become your new best friend.
Liars? Cheaters? No, thank you!
It’s one thing for married men who clearly state that they are married on their dating accounts; it’s entirely different if they claim to be single when they are married or in a relationship in reality. Imagine if you met someone on Tinder who’s married in real life and his account stated that he’s single - yikes!
Tip: If you see this red flag, calmly swipe left and say, ‘Toodles!’ If you’re unsure about it, you could share his account with your connections and ask around if your match indeed has a girlfriend, fiancee or wife who isn’t aware of his Tinder profile.
Too close for comfort too soon
When two people click, it's pretty easy to talk about anything and everything. When it comes to wading through online dating - hold them brakes, dear lady.
Tip: Uphold the most sacred rule of social media: keep your personal details to yourself and stay safe online. Never divulge details such as your home address, phone number(s) or even your social media accounts to your online dates until your relationship progresses to the next step.
Beware the catfish
Catfishing, the act of seducing someone with a false persona online is common on any digital platform. It isn't at all surprising if you happen to come across them on the dating app as well.
Tip: Keep a lookout for verification settings, ladies. Tinder has implemented this feature for users' to verify their accounts. As you chat with your match on the app, keep a look out for any inconsistencies. If at all you have been texting your match for some time and you feel that he may be a catfish, worry not as you can always unmatch him. You can also report his account if you like.
Where art thou, gentleman?
Decent guys are out there, but sadly, they aren't easy to find. If you do come across a decent one, you're lucky indeed! The sad reality for women in their 20s looking for dates on Tinder is that they are more likely to encounter indecent men. From the investigation, women past the age of 40, looking for dates around the same age were more likely to find decent men looking for companionship compared to their younger counterparts. Younger Tinderellas on the other hand have to look extra hard for the right man who fits the shoe!
Mr. Grey is not as charming as he seems
If you have any fantasies inspired from 50 Shades of Grey, kindly throw those out the window. Mr. Grey may seem charming in the book and movie but he may not be the same in reality.
Tip: If your online date implies that he is into unusually kinky pursuits, learn to say no. Should he reveal his inner Mr. Grey after you have progressed further into the relationship, be honest and let him know that you’re uncomfortable with it.
You’ve got a friend in me
While it may be rare, there are certain occasions where people meet new friends on the dating app. From the investigation, the investigators came across at least one or two people on the dating app that they could genuinely converse with. They may be the rare, decent guys left in the world but it is possible to meet them.
Tip: Look out for accounts with ‘looking for a friend to talk to’ written in the bio, swipe right and start chatting! You could also start by looking for accounts with a lot of mutual interests with you.
‘Netflix & Chill’ is NOT what you think it is
The whole world may have literally binge-watched Netflix and relaxed at home during the COVID-19 lockdown. However, if an account states that he is into Netflix & Chill, it is the figurative meaning to it.
Tip: Be careful of such euphemisms. If someone tries to make advances on you online with these euphemisms with opening lines such as, ‘Are you open-minded?’ or ‘Do you like to Netflix & Chill?’, you could ask them to explain what they mean. Often, when people are asked to explain such sexual euphemisms, they clam up. However, if they still insist and go beyond your comfort zone, you can always unmatch them or report the account.
The Eggplant Emoji
The art of dating may not be chronicled in a book such as the Art of War, but if it were, emojis should probably be included. In this digital age, where emojis are a way to communicate, it’s important to understand the euphemisms. By doing so, you will then know how to respond if at all your online date surprises you with the eggplant emoji in his texts.
Tip: The best step to tackle this is to study up on which emojis have less than innocent connotations that people commonly use online.
Swipe left on the business opportunists!
If you can come across catfish accounts on Tinder, then coming across business opportunists or Insta-famous wannabes accounts is no surprise. The conversations usually begin normally and shift to their businesses and opening lines such as, ‘You ada water filter dekat rumah tak?’ (Do you have a water filter at home?) along the way. We can admire the tenacity, but for the purpose of the dating app and your peace of mind - swipe left.
Tip: You can even ward off these opportunists by clearly stating your disinterest in them in your account bio.
Tinder is not your fairy godmother
Let’s face it - glittery fairy godmothers do not exist in reality. Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel and the likes: they are still digital platforms for people to socialize virtually. It’s great if you genuinely meet someone you can connect with from these apps, but remember to be responsible for your own safety at all times.
While the investigation may not be perfect, it did open our eyes to the challenges that the average woman may face when they look for love online. Women can choose the right dating app to find love as certain apps may be for quick hookups and other apps may allow the women to start the conversation with their matches first. Sometimes, in certain cases, millennials may feel embarrassed to admit that they are looking for love online via these dating apps. Don’t be ashamed, embrace it instead.
When it comes to relationships, it takes two to tango. No matter how advanced any dating app could be, the best it could do would be bridging the gap between two individuals. Communication and understanding are still key in making any relationship work. If you’re in the mood for love and you’re making use of dating apps - look for love with these rules in mind!
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